Run All The States!

I can now say that I’ve done a 3-way, and it was an incredible experience.

Minds out of the gutter, people — this wasn’t that kind of racecation. I’m talking about the Skyline Chili 3-Way Challenge, part of the Flying Pig Marathon weekend in Cincinnati.

Doing the 3-Way meant completing Saturday’s 5k and 10k events, followed by Sunday’s half marathon. So maybe it’s not quite as you envisioned, but it was a very alluring challenge to me, so I signed up. My training buddies Chris and Laura were down for this, too, so we made the drive to Cincy.

We checked into our hotel in northern Kentucky — because staying across the Ohio River was way cheaper — and walked to the expo. The weather was sunny and warm, and the interstate pedestrian path made for an unexpectedly scenic stroll. Once we finally located the elusive entrance (seriously, was this a test?), we spent a solid chunk of time playing around the expo hall, admiring all the piggy-themed merch and clever decorations. With Cincinnati gearing up to host the MLB All-Star Game that summer, this year’s Flying Pig theme went full sportsball. Even our race shirts had that classic jersey script — very official, very festive.

No race weekend is complete without a solid carb-loading session, so we made our way to Arnold’s Bar and Grill. I’d read it was Cincinnati’s oldest bar, and hey, if you’ve been in business for over 150 years, you must be doing something right. Bonus points: they had a special Flying Pig menu just for runners. We grabbed a cozy spot in the string-lit courtyard patio and devoured our pasta like true athletes in training (or pigs at a trough — depends on the angle).

Double Races and Doggy Faces

Saturday dawned sunny and bright, and we had a stacked agenda. Sure, we were running the 5k and 10k, but let’s be real — we were really here for the IAMS Flying Fur event. Watching a parade of dogs? Sign me up twice.

First on deck was the 10k at 8 a.m., starting at Great American Ballpark, home of the Cincinnati Reds — a nod to the city’s upcoming MLB All-Star Game. Once the race kicked off, we crossed the first of many bridges, heading into northern Kentucky. We ran along the charming riverfront (dodging a broken bottle or two, yikes) and looped back into Ohio via — you guessed it — another bridge. The last couple miles wove through downtown before funneling us onto Pete Rose Way toward the gloriously punny Finish Swine. I live for this kind of wordplay. Volunteers were called Grunts, starting corrals were labeled Pig Pens… it was an oink-tastic wonderland of puns and pig references, and I was loving every minute.

All smiles in between the 10k and the 5k:

One race down, two more to go. I regrouped with Chris and Laura near the start line to get back in our Pig Pens. The temps had started to climb, and we were already glistening with sweat — or as I like to call it, sweating like pigs.

Round two, let’s go! The 5k course followed some familiar turns from the earlier race, and at one point I saw Chris narrowly avoid a collision with an overly ambitious dad barreling down the course with a stroller. Easy there, my guy! A few twists and turns later, we crossed the Finish Swine for the second time that day. Another medal, another snoutful of glory.

We refueled at a local breakfast spot before making our way to the Purple People Bridge — yes, it’s actually lavender, and yes, it’s as delightful as it sounds — to watch the real stars of the day: the pups. Within minutes, a flood of furry athletes came bounding across the bridge with their humans. Labs, beagles, corgis, greyhounds, mutts, and mixes galore — I’m telling you, I’ve never seen a more enthusiastic group of runners. Even the basset hounds bringing up the rear looked like they were living their best lives.

After our canine joy overdose, we made our way to Hofbräuhaus in Newport, which just so happened to be a hop, skip, and trot from our hotel. With the sun shining and the bier flowing, we claimed a spot in the sprawling outdoor Bier Garden and carbo-loaded on lagers, dunkels, and maibocks while gazing out at the Cincinnati skyline. It was such a good vibe — and such good beer — that we went back the next day. When in piggy paradise…

Rise and Swine for the Main Event

Sunday came with an even earlier alarm: the main event started at 6:30 a.m. Luckily, the weather was perfect — calm wind, mid-40s, ideal for clocking some serious miles. Despite our best efforts to plan ahead, the three of us just barely made it to the start in time for the National Anthem. Oops. At least we arrived in time to catch the corral-by-corral fireworks and flame effects. Nothing like a little pyrotechnics to wake you up.

Aaaand we’re off! We looped around the Bengals and Reds stadiums before crossing into Kentucky — the first few miles mirrored the 10k route from the day before (minus the broken glass, thankfully).

And then: the highlight of Kentucky. Outside a senior living facility, the residents were out in full force, cheering like champs in pig noses and waving signs like “Run faster or I’ll hit you with my cane” and “Hurry up, I’m missing Bingo.” Absolute legends. I hope to be that cool when I grow up.

photo credit: Flying Pig Facebook page

We crossed back into Ohio just in time for a gorgeous sunrise and a swell of crowd support. Around the halfway mark, we entered Eden Park, which meant… hills. I’d studied the course map, so I knew a 300-foot, 3-mile climb was coming — but knowing and experiencing are two very different things. Cars shouldn’t even go up hills that steep, let alone humans. As I trudged along, I heard a guy yelling, “Get the ‘F’ up the hill!” He came into view, holding a giant cutout of the letter “F.” I was laughing and wheezing at the same time… as I finally got myself the F up the hill.

Eventually, finally, mercifully, we reached the highest point on the course, rewarded with sweeping views of downtown Cincinnati and the Ohio River. With that mega hill behind us, it felt like I had wings — or maybe just gravity helping out. The course rolled through neighborhoods (or as the race calls them, neigh-_boar_-hoods), and as the miles ticked down, the crowds thickened. One last turn onto Pete Rose Way, and one last triumphant trot across the Finish Swine. My 3-Way Challenge? Done, done, and done.

I met up with Chris and we strolled toward the Victory Party in the nearby park. Our prize haul was impressive: a long-sleeve tech shirt, a shiny 3-Way Challenge medal, and a snazzy plaque to display our bling. Not bad for a weekend’s work.

All the medals for us 3-Way Challenge finishers:

We planned to make a quick hotel stop before cheering for Laura at the marathon finish. Spoiler: it was not quick. Our complimentary race shuttle driver wasn’t familiar with the area — and didn’t appear to have GPS. Just a paper list of hotel names and vibes. After a few wrong turns and a dramatic 3-point maneuver in a random parking lot, frustrated runners started barking directions from the back.

Chris and I were the last two on the bus, heading back to Kentucky. Despite our helpful (??) coaching, the driver was completely turned around. I was starting to worry we were on a scenic route to Indiana. Not that Indiana’s bad, but I wasn’t ready to add another state to the weekend. Finally, our beloved Hofbräuhaus came into view — old faithful! We seized our chance, asked to hop off at the next light… and just as we were leaving, the bus backfired, loud and dramatic. “That my bus?!” she cried. Yes, ma’am. Yes it is. Please let us out.

It felt like four days had passed, but we made it back to the finish chute just in time to greet Laura. She’d been sharing hilarious updates mid-race about beer stops, couches, and general shenanigans, so we knew she was having a good time. Suddenly, we heard a high-pitched squeal — not from a person. Someone had brought an actual pig to the Flying Pig! Naturally, we had to go say hi. She was a little lady named Bacon, and she was adorable.

We grabbed lunch before hitting the road, already sad the Flying Pig weekend was coming to an end. Incredible crowd support, beautiful city views, pun-filled perfection… it was everything a race weekend should be. I’m still squealing with delight just thinking about it.

Pigtastic musings:

• Best race eve support: On the way back to the hotel, a woman saw our expo bags and cheered, “Go Piggers!” It took us a few confused beats to realize she wasn’t saying something wildly inappropriate.
• Most cohesive theme: A+ on the pig branding. From curly-tailed race shirts to the “Street Squealers” spectator crews, Pig Pens, and Finish Swine signage — top-notch commitment.
• Best on-course treats: Shoutout to the Twist-n-Snout station at mile 10 for handing out Twizzlers, and to mile 11’s Flying Fish stop for sweet, chewy Swedish Fish. Ain’t no candy like running candy.
• Best post-race spread: The finish line feast had everything — water, Gatorade, fruit cups, Clif bars, bananas, apples, crackers, cookies… next time I’m bringing a wheelbarrow.
• Best Flying Fur accessory: Besides the snazzy green IAMS bandanas, we saw dogs in pig costumes, tutus, and one wearing a cape that said “Bark Vader.” Iconic.
• Best sound: The satisfying clang of the PR bell, rung proudly by everyone who crushed a personal record — including Chris!