Run All The States!

Buckle up — road trip time! Laura and I hit the highway on Halloween for a 5-hour drive to Indianapolis for the Monumental Marathon weekend. To pass the time, we did what all the cool kids do: sang our lungs out to the power ballad perfection of Roxette and Starship. (Laura’s Grace Slick impression is uncannily good. IYKYK.) There were a few traffic hiccups on this joyride, but no worries — nothing’s gonna stop us now. [rimshot]

Our hotel was right on West Market Street, just a few blocks from the start/finish area and the expo. Pretty ideal setup, if you ask me. I’m fairly certain I visited Indianapolis as a kid on a family road trip, but since my only memory is something vague involving getting motor oil on my pants, I’m calling this my official Indy debut. And what better way to tour a new city than by running 13.1 miles through it?

Expo-sure Therapy

The race expo at the Indiana Convention Center was super organized and buzzing with race-eve energy. Each runner got a cool #BeMonumental poster with all the participants’ names on it. We browsed the merch, scoped out the snacks, and then headed to Buca di Beppo for dinner — yes, it’s a chain, but we had an aggressively good Groupon, and we’re not above that kind of thing. Besides, carbs are carbs.

The weather was already showing off its Midwestern flair — cold, windy, and… wait, is that snow? Yep. Actual Halloween snow. I felt deeply for the kids trying to trick-or-treat in that nonsense. We peeked out the hotel window and said, “Nope,” then promptly re-bundled under the covers in our beds.

Rise and Be Monumental

After a cozy night’s sleep, race morning arrived with a brisk slap of reality: 30 degrees, 18 mph winds, no sun in sight. Delightful. I layered up like a nervous onion: hat, gloves, long sleeves, tights, and the pièce de résistance — my rainbow tutu, because fashion is forever. We procrastinated just long enough before shuffling toward the Indiana State Capitol for the 8 a.m. start.

The national anthem played, hugs and good lucks were exchanged, and then we were off! Laura set out to tackle the full marathon while I happily stuck with the half. The course started downtown, winding past Lucas Oil Stadium (go Colts… I guess?) and the stately Soldiers and Sailors Monument in Monument Circle — a literal monument, so the branding checks out.

We headed north into quiet, leafy neighborhoods decked out in peak fall colors. The wind was still doing its thing, but I’d warmed up and was feeling surprisingly great. I had run the Detroit Free Press Half just two weeks earlier, and I already felt stronger here. Take that, weather!

The course was mostly flat and fast, with a few polite little hills. Around mile 7, we split from the marathoners and turned back toward downtown. Cue Meridian Street: The Neverending Story. The skyline sat on the horizon, taunting me like a mirage. My piriformis started acting up again (rude), but thankfully, the tailwind was on my side.

As we re-entered the city, the monuments came at us rapid-fire: the American Legion Mall, Indiana War Memorial, and the Soldiers and Sailors Monument again (hi again!). One final turn and I could see the Capitol building up ahead — sweet, sweet finish line, I have never loved you more.

A Medal Worthy of a Monument

I gotta say, the medal’s a looker. High-relief design, navy blue background, and a proud depiction of the Indiana War Memorial. Respectfully dramatic. Behold:

Back at the hotel, I took the best shower of my life, then wrapped myself burrito-style in a hotel blanket and waddled out to cheer for Laura at the finish. A passing cyclist sneered, “It’s not that cold!” To which I say: ma’am, I am warm, cozy, and judgment-free in my fleece tortilla. Keep your chilly opinions.

The sun finally came out, and I spotted Laura near the final stretch. I gave her a big celebratory burrito hug and watched her power across the finish like the champ she is.

Post-Race Priorities: Beer & Burritos (Hold the Blanket)

We toasted another conquered state with a solid downtown food and drink crawl. First stop: a place with greasy pub eats and a celebratory brew. Then another beer at the notoriously obnoxious Dick’s Last Resort, followed by tacos (okay, and one last beer) to celebrate our triumph.

The next morning, we hit the road home — tired, happy, well-fed, and slightly windburned — knowing Indy had lived up to the hype. Was it… monumental? You bet your chilly burrito it was.

Monumental Musings:

• Best sugar rush: Shout-out to the kind souls handing out Halloween candy. I will 100% take your extra Skittles off your hands.
• Best pup: A fluffy husky named Stanley. When a runner yelled “Thanks for coming out, Stanley!” he wagged his tail proudly like, “You’re welcome, humans. I am the goodest boy.”
• Best finish-line swag: A knit finisher’s cap — gray for half, blue for full. Perfect for hiding your race hair and pretending it’s fashion.
• Best snack: Mini bagel bites at the finish. Just the right amount of bagel when you’re too tired to commit to a whole one.
• Most helpful humans: Volunteers holding giant “Ask Me” signs. I didn’t have a serious question, but I really wanted to ask something dumb just for fun. I resisted. You’re welcome.
• Funniest sign (non-race edition): “Our door is heavy. Please pull with vigor.” spotted on a Japanese restaurant. Didn’t test the door, but I believe them.
• Most alarming moment: When Laura texted me that I could find her at “the tent” in the finish area. My brain instantly screamed medical tent, but she clarified: “The chili tent.” Relief and chili? Yes please.